How This Working Mom Eliminated Overwhelm and Reclaimed Life

That November morning was no different from any other morning really. It was the usual train wreck of panic and tension getting myself and my two daughters dressed, fed, packed and out the front door to meet the demands of work and school that lay before us, yet again. Patience was short and voices were raised. My pulse raced from the stress, overwhelm and utter exhaustion that every single day brought.  I cursed every red stoplight en-route to school. Us working moms know that an entire day transpires before we even arrive at work and log on.    

I had the morning schedule planned with military precision. Leave the house at 7:10am, drop two aforementioned daughters off at school at 7:30am, arrive at work by 8:15am. Success! Children at school by 7:30am, albeit slightly grumpy and disheveled. I was going to make it to work on time! Then I hit the worst traffic I’d experienced in months.  My commute lasted two hours, and I arrived to work at 9:30am, exactly one hour and fifteen minutes later than I had planned. I talked to my sister on the phone while I sat in traffic, blubbering to her “again my schedule foiled…nothing ever goes to plan.” I have failed once more. Yet Again.

Did I Sign up for this Overwhelm? Hell No.

The pressures we face today are immense…work, motherhood, school, family (the list goes on)…all while trying to maintain a sense of self and remember the daughter, sister, mother, partner, woman that we are?  All while maintaining our health and generally trying to succeed at all facets of our life? It doesn’t just feel overwhelming and impossible, it is overwhelming and impossible.

In fact, let’s further identify what it is that we actually do on a regular basis: manage the finances, pay the bills, plan meals/grocery shop and cook for the family, clean the house and do the laundry, pack lunches, manage school paperwork and all family life admin, care for sick children, help children do homework and navigate life’s challenges, plan birthday parties. Be a good partner, maintain friendships. Exercise. Eat healthy. Let’s not forget “self-care”! Oh and work full-time. Women, do you have any idea how fucking amazing you are? Even if you are just hanging by a thread and feel like you are failing miserably, you are indeed absolutely amazing!

It’s No Wonder Women are Always Exhausted

Have you noticed that Overwhelm has shifted in our modern day vernacular from a verb, to be or feel overwhelmed, to an actual noun? What a true reflection of our society today. 

Overwhelm. It’s a thing now. Yes, I have Overwhelm!  It consumes me from head to toe, but I mostly feel its weight on my shoulders. It’s so common and prevalent, it now identifies as a “person, place or thing”. We can all have Overwhelm! We can all own Overwhelm! We can buy Overwhelm! In fact, I believe we have. As evidenced by our mortgages, car loans, credit card debt, school loans and so forth we have bought it, or at least a portion thereof. And we’re sure paying for it now. 

This overwhelm in my life had simply become too much for me. I was functioning on levels of exhaustion and stress that cemented me into a constant state of paralysis. Always feeling busy, in a rush, stressed from the moment I woke up to the moment I put my head on the pillow.  Sleepless nights with a racing heart and a feeling of never being able to get out from under the weight. Or even out from under the blankets on the bed, or out of bed at all. I asked myself regularly, “certainly, this is not how life is supposed to be?”

Here are some hard facts.

The struggle is real. You know it and I know it. It’s not something we’re imagining and its not a feeling, opinion or experience that belongs to a small subset of women characterized as having a weak constitution or inability to cope with the demands of our generation.

A study conducted by researchers at The University of Manchester and the Institute of Social and Economic Research found a 40% increase in chronic stress in working women with two children. Even women with one child experience and 18% increase in chronic stress. Key indicative biomarkers, like blood pressure and hormone levels were measured across 6,025 women. Rae Cooper, Professor of Gender, Work and Employment Relations at the University of Sydney in Australia agrees that “The survey absolutely aligns with what we know about the context of Australian working mums. Motherhood is challenging for all women, but there’s a higher layer of complexity for working mothers.”

In fact, Cooper goes on to say, “Working mums report very little joy. There is almost no personal time, no leisure time – no time for the sort of pleasures that people talk about having before they had small children.”

Well no wonder. That explains a lot.

This was my livelihood and the future I had to look forward too? A life of chronic stress and little joy?

I knew that if I continued down that path, that would absolutely be my fate. I expected more and I would not accept this fate or resign to this reality. I had greater ambitions for my life! And so I went searching for another way.

My Light Bulb Moment

But HOW was I supposed to do that? There began my journey of growth and discovery. Of learning to ask for and accept help, of being vulnerable, of going out of my comfort zone to connect with other women and escape my loneliness, of being open to new ideas and new ways of thinking. I adopted new mindsets and made progress slowly and deliberately, One Step at a time.

I know exhaustion, overwhelm and loneliness. But now, more than anything, I know my own strength! Witnessing my transformation, friends and co-workers started reaching out to me for advice. It was comforting and alarming to learn that we were all in the same boat, facing the same challenges, but were dealing with it in isolation.

Five Absolute Truths

You have the power within to make your life great

The past is the past

You are capable of anything

Your strength knows no bounds

You deserve the absolute best

Right? Don’t you agree? Those are not crazy notions. Just simply concepts that we’ve lost sight of as we spin on the hamster wheel of life.

Wanted: NEW LIFE

If you could enter in new gps coordinates for your life, which direction would it go?

What would your life look like?

A life free from exhaustion, stress and overwhelm?

A life of joy and gratitude?

Taking the time to feel the sunshine on your face?

Acknowledging that what you did today was actually enough?

Flopping into bed with a smile on your face?

Being kind to yourself?

When these truths and just a slight glimmer of a vision of what could be started to take hold in my brain, I started to free myself from the perceptions and expectations I had held myself to for so long. In other words, those long held perceptions and expectations became outdated and irrelevant.

I wanted to thrive, not just survive.

Above all, I wanted to TAKE BACK MY LIFE!!!

And so I did.  I assessed where I was, and how I got there.  I took responsibility for my past. “Just feel guilty. Swim in it. Till your fingers get all pruney.” (French Kiss) And then I was over my past. More importantly I took responsibility for my future.

I moved forward and made small mindset shifts, adjusted old habits and created new. ones My journey has been haphazard and sporadic at times with definite peaks and valleys. Some serious epic fails and some serious “you go girl!” moments. However, one thing is for certain. We all have the power to create a life we love.

One Step at a time.

Can you relate?  Do you see yourself anywhere in the journey I have been on? What One Step will you take today?

Read how I tackled perfection to help myself move forward.

Please comment below and share your thoughts with this community of female peers and like minded women! Forward to a friend or woman you believe would find value in these words…Together we are stronger.